I am itchy. I can't even express the extent of my itchiness. You want to know why I am itchy? Okay. I am going to tell you even though you all thought "no" in your minds.
I am going on vacation on the 17th of July. That is this coming Friday. It is a vacation all alone. I am headed to Santa Barbara for a dear friend's wedding. Lewis is meeting me there for the wedding weekend festivities on the 24th of July, so I am going to have
A. Whole. Week. To. Myself.
WHAT???? I know. I do not know what to think either!! I have not had that much time to myself... um, ever!! I had Adam right after we got married and so we have always had kids and so we have always vacationed as a family. I have been away a couple of times for the weekend or something but never a full week without kids, cat, dog, laundry, vacuuming, dishes, and everything else that goes with family life. I am very excited to go, BUT I stared to feel really bad about the kids. I decided that since we are not going on a family vacation this summer and I am going to be gone for 9 days without them that I would take them to do something fun everyday until I leave for California. So after a week of doing fun things, last Tuesday we decide to meet some of the kids cousins at the pool. We had a marvelous afternoon. The kids played, Marlo and I talked, and I got the WORST sunburn of my life. No kidding. I have been burnt, but never anything like this.
Now before you chastise me for burning I would like you to know that I was wearing sunscreen. I was fully covered. I was wearing the same sunscreen that my kids had on, and none of them burnt. It was a fluke. It was a hideous, awful, disgusting fluke that I am now paying dearly for. (So please do not email me and tell me to wear sunscreen :)
The result of this burn was me, being almost completely naked for the past 4 days. I know that nobody wants to hear that, but it is the story, and I have to tell it. I have had to wear my pool cover up all week. My kids have asked me to get dressed, my neighbors have asked me to get dressed, the boy selling magazines door-to-door ran away screaming into his cell phone about me needing to get dressed. I get it people, you want me dressed. Alas! I can't get dressed!
I have ventured out of my house only 2 times since this sun induced quarantine. Once for a vet appointment for the little Mojito, that I had already missed once so I had to take him or find a new vet (he needed his second set of puppy shots). I went in one of Lewis' shirts and a pair of much too small shorts. The vet took one look and me and laughed. It was all I could do to walk in a d out without crying, oh wait, I did cry. The other time was for a dress fitting that I also postponed for a couple of days because of said burn. That was the
Worst. Experience. Ever.
My fellow bridesmaid had to strap me into this awful corsety bustier and then slide the dress onto my burnt body. I saw her gag twice. Just kidding. Maybe...
(I will take this moment in the story to thank Kristen for helping me into the dress and for not laughing out loud when she saw the white bottom next to the beet red back and thighs. You are a true friend. Oh, did I mention she was Adam's third grade teacher? Awkward!)
So now I come to the point of this long, drawn out post. My sunburn is still there. It still hurts tremendously and now IT ITCHES!!!! I put on a shirt and it made it itch more! I am doomed to lead a life of a red lobster girl that scratches all day long. Please still love me and acknowledge me as a friend, sister, cousin, bridesmaid, coworker, and neighbor without snickering and pointing... well I would snicker and point. I'm just sayin'...
My reason for this post is forgiveness. Forgiveness from all of you. I have missed a bridal shower, a lunch, a swimming date, 2 appointments, girls night out to the movies, shopping, and 3 days of fun activities for the kids because of this. I was not irresponsible. It was a fluke. A nasty, red, awful fluke; but still just a fluke. I am asking forgiveness (as I dig full force into my shoulder, knowing dang well that when I stop I am going to scream out in agony because of the pain) from all of you.
With all of my love,
Itchy Red Lobster Girl