FYI: This one may offend or may entertain. It is lengthy so sit tight...
I went skiing on Saturday at Brighton. While I was there the guys behind the ski rental counter saw that I lived in Draper. (The guys were ranging in age from 20's to 40's) They started teasing me about being "a Draper lady". Hmmm.... So when I asked what that meant by that and they all laughed. Now, I know EXACTLY what they were getting at. (I was having a lot of problems with my boots and so I had to keep trying on different boots. I could have very easily been seen as a spoiled, needy, complaining lady.) They answered by saying that most people that they get in there from Draper are a little more "needy" and seem a little "entitled". My friend that was with me, Susan, stood up for me and said, "Does she look fake to you? Does anything on her look fake?" But then she agreed with the men about Draper as a whole.
So, here is my question... Do people from Draper deserve this reputation?
Here is my answer:
Yes. I do think that some Draperites (is this a word?), feel superior to others. (I also think that some people all over Utah feel this way, and probably all over the world.) I have had a very hard time living in Draper the past 4 years. (Much harder then when I lived in Lehi, although that was not a cake walk either.) Don't get me wrong, I love Draper, just maybe not the attitude that comes with living here. I have a few run ins with "Draper Ladies" since I moved here.
Example #1: Almost 4 years ago my baby Abigail was born almost 12 weeks early. She was in the hospital for weeks. When she was able to go home they told me that under no conditions was she to go to church. People take sick kids to church all of the time and she was not to be exposed to the germs. They also told me that it would be a good idea that my other children did as little as possible at church so that they would not bring home germs. So when Abigail was about 6 months old, she was still too little and fragile to go to church, but it was Christmas time and the primary was having a pancake breakfast on Christmas Eve morning. My kids so wanted to go so I took them. As soon as we walked into the cultural hall one of the primary presidency walked up to me and asked what we were doing there. We were not active and so not welcome. Holy Sh*@. Seriously!?!? We stayed for the breakfast and saw Santa and then promptly left. I know that I can't blame someone else for not going to church but I can't even attempt to explain how I felt when that happened. Embarrassed. Furious. Anti-Church. Anti-Utah. That would have NEVER happened in any other city in any other state. We would have been welcomed with open arms. Draper Ladies? Maybe. When I went to church the following week not 1 person talked to me. Not even 1.
Example #2: We joined a gym here in Draper. I will not name it but I am sure most of you can figure out which one it is. It is kinda expensive...well it is really expensive for us. But I wanted to join and Lewis worked it out. I loved going to the gym with the kids to swim, and work out with my friend M.R. The kids went to yoga classes and I found a few classes that I loved. I was losing weight and I was happier. I felt better too. Here is the problem. The women! My goodness. If anyone can find a more snotty, entitled group of people please let me know because I would love to observe them for a while. I know this is a generalization, but I maybe met 2 nice people there in over a year.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love where I live. I love the proximity to everything. I love being close to my kids school. I love the view. I have met quite a few people here in Draper that I love. M.R., N.F.S., L.P., J.J., and S.E., to name a few ( I am not trying to leave anyone out, so do not be offended. I just wanted to use a few examples of people I like in Draper.) (But wait...all of these people are either not from Utah or they are not Mormon. Hmm... Maybe my examples are not that good. I have lots of LDS friends.) Maybe you think I am trying to find a problem. Or maybe you have never met some of the moms whose kids go to my school. Maybe I should not have said that....
I am sorry that I do not have breast implants to discuss with you.
I am sorry your implants are unrealistic.
I am sorry neither my husband nor I are cheating on each other.
I am sorry that I do not charge everything in sight to keep up with the neighbors.
I am sorry my kids wear clothes from Walmart and Target instead of Dillard's and Gap.
I am sorry we do not have a boat so you do not want to be our friends in the summer.
I am sorry we do not go to Disney 3 times a year.
I am sorry you ruined your nails volunteering at school.
I am sorry your husband has you on a $4000 a month allowance and it is not enough.
I am sorry you think we are poor.
I am sorry I have trouble going to church with you.
I am sorry you feel the need to talk about me.
I am sorry you have lived in the same county your whole life and you are content with that.
I am sorry that your kids are not well behaved because you do not attempt to control them.
I am sorry I do not care what you think. Actually...I am not sorry about that.
I am sorry that you do not like what I say. At least I am honest.
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7 comments:
I think this is one of my favorite posts so far. And it is so true.
Sad and true.
People are nicer and more considerate and more REAL in just about every other state in the country. That makes it nice to go on vacation!
AMEN sista! I could not have said it better. And was today ever the day I needed to hear that, especially from you. I would love to rant and rave about some things today, but I would probably be fired.
It is disheartening because there are SO many great parents at school. Just a few can have such a negative impact on the image of the school, Draper, even church for that matter.
I'm so sorry, Kendra. That's really awful how that lady (or ladies) treated you! I would die (and be outraged)if I ever witnessed that! Just know that you're appreciated and loved and be happy that you have a healthy/normal perspective on life! Hugs!
Whoa Kendra – bold post. You are on fire.
Here is what I think:
The Church Lady -- A big part of me wants to believe that what you heard that woman say was not what she meant to say. But you were there so let’s take it at face value. She is flat out wrong to treat you that way and she is not a nice person. But you can’t let that one person destroy your view of all Draper or of all or even most Mormons. There are nice Mormons and unpleasant Mormons, but you can’t let them drive you out of the Church - you need to be strong enough to participate in or reject the Church on your terms, not theirs.
The gym -- I have a tough believing your experience at the gym is specific to Draper – but what I know.
As to initials of your friends – I noticed there was no SB but who is checking. Oh, it just occurred to me, I am not on the list because I don’t live in Draper. OK that’s cool; we will just consider me to be a visiting member of the list.
As to the school’s moms. I’m not in your shoes but your description seemed a little too broad and harsh. People are people -- some are nice and some aren’t. But didn’t you tell me the other day that you are responsible for deciding what your emotional reaction to events will be? Can’t you tune out the static and focus and the good stuff?
And that concludes my sermon for the day. Thank you for attending and see you next Sunday.
SB-
About the moms. I am not saying that all moms are this way. Thats why I said some moms. I guess I was just making small points.
Also- the mom from church, the moms from the gym, and the school moms are all the same moms.
My point- it is those women who make the ski guys at Brighton have a bad taste in thier mouths for Draper.
I love reading your blog :) And thanks for the clothes. You definetley weren't exaggerating how many there were.
Hmmm. I thought about this quite a bit since we talked last night.
I've lived in a quite few different places and found this "Draper" type of person in all of them. Not all of them were Mormon, not even all of them were rich. They might have all been republicans (joking). What they do all seem to have that is SO irritating is a huge sense of entitlement (we've talked about this before) no genuine appreciation for what they have (always wanting more) and an overwhelming focus on appearances (the boob job, the perfect car, perfectly groomed kids,etc.) It does seem especially hypocritical when you see this in people that are very religous. Isn't spirituality supposed to be more of an internal thing?
Maybe some of these people are so mean because they are exhausted from trying to keep all of these appearance things up. Maybe they just need to take a nap or spend a day in sweats with no make up.
I enjoy your writing style. You are SO funny!
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